There was an article in The Times a few weeks ago that raised my hopes about getting older. It seems that studies show that dementia rates are dropping. And this, even as the population ages. But in a surprise, the study found that people who were overweight had a lower risk of dementia than those who weren’t. There was no clear explanation for this.
Obviously, I wanted to figure out what this meant for me. Well, for starters I made what seems like a logical leap to the premise that the converse may also be true; that by my being thin (for the record, I prefer the term, “lanky”) I’m essentially sending an open invitation to Dementia to come and take me out for dinner. To confirm this theory, I need no more evidence than to note that almost all of my friends are heavier than I am and most of them haven’t shown signs of losing their marbles. Clearly, I need to do something.
So once again, I’ve embarked on a regimen to gain some weight. In a hurry. To that end, I am now eating enormous quantities of KOZYSHACK™ chocolate pudding. Which is fabulous. I can’t put into words how much I love this stuff. And on top of that, it has no artificial preservatives, is kosher and . . . and yes, it’s gluten-free! This just could be the perfect food. I figure if I really apply myself, I’ll be able to put on enough weight in only about a month or so to move myself into that category of folks who are more dementia resistant. This is exactly the kind of preventative medical care that the Affordable Care Act should be emphasizing.
Of course, I try to take these scientific studies with a grain of salt. After all, researchers often find that their initial findings were in error. In fact, just the other day, I was reading the Science Times and there was a report of another scientific study that suggested that, contrary to what we’ve been told for decades, whole milk may be more healthful and less fattening than low-fat milk. Jeez . . . as I think about it, if the experts can be so wrong about that, it’s not hard to imagine that in four or five years a new study could come along that finds a strong correlation between Dementia and chocolate pudding.
But luckily, KOZYSHACK™ also makes a fabulous rice pudding. Which again has no artificial preservatives and is kosher and gluten-free. Sure, it’s made with low-fat milk but that’s a small price to pay to make sure I don’t spend most of my time looking for my keys.