This American Strife

As you may know, I’m a martini drinker.  My drink order is usually, “a vodka martini, straight up with a lemon twist; Ketel One and no vermouth.”  Now the question has often come up (well, maybe three times) as to whether the drink is still considered a martini if it contains only vodka.  My position has always been that if it’s served in a martini glass, it’s absolutely a martini.  Exactly like the ones I remember seeing William Powell drink.  Just without the silk lounging robe.

But what’s been happening with greater frequency lately, is that restaurants and bars are now taking my order and bringing my drink in a kind of champagne glass.  I think it’s called a coupe glass (with an accent over the ‘e’ which my franco-phobe Mac won’t print).  Each and every time my order comes back in one of these glasses, I can’t disguise my disappointment. I’ve complained to whomever will listen and now to you.

The problem is two-fold: since there are really none of the usual accoutrements that accompany a regular martini, drinking straight vodka from a non-martini glass is not much different than slugging gasoline. Yes, high-test . .  but nonetheless, still gasoline.  The other problem with these glasses is that they seem to contain a lot less liquid.  Which may, in fact, be the true reason for the switcheroo.

A potential solution to this problem is for me to bring along my own martini glass to hand over to bartenders preemptively so as to avoid the enormous deflation that might await me. But of course, it’s totally impractical to walk around with a piece of glass that size. So I’m inviting you, if you’d like, to get in on the ground floor of my newest startup–developing a collapsible martini glass. Made of metal with leaves along the lines of a vegetable steamer. I think something like that could look quite handsome in a breast pocket.

But I recently learned something that might get me to change my mind about this whole ruckus. It seems that there’s a French urban legend which claims that this coupe glass got its shape from a mold of one of Marie Antoinette’s breasts. (Kind of make me want to order two drinks at a time.) Apparently, she had quite a figure for a despot. I find this meld of erotica and alcoholism kind of appealing. So forget the startup for the collapsible martini glass. How about, instead, a punch bowl in the shape of Mlle Antoinette’s bottom. Now there’s an idea we should be able to get behind.

Right church, wrong pew

Right church, wrong pew

This is my last post for this, my seventh year of these meanderings.

A Happy and Healthy to all and a wonderful holiday season,

And, as Tiny Tim said:

“Tiptoe through the tulips….”   Wait . .  wait, wrong Tiny!

I meant:

“God bless us, every one!”


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2 Responses to “This American Strife”

  1. Marguerite Says:

    Don’t you mean a punch bowl in the shape of Kim Kardashian’s bottom??

  2. iron(ic)man triathlon Says:

    I guess that’s another behind we can get behind.

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