“The Trouble Begins When You Buy The Tie”

When I was growing up my father would often infuse his particular philosophies with assorted adages and aphorisms.  It wasn’t until I was grown that I realized that many of these were re-tweets; that my father had neglected to mention that often the source of these pearls was from Shakespeare or some other luminary. He wasn’t trying to deceive me or my siblings into thinking these were original; he just left that part out.

Wait...I think I have the perfect shirt!

Wait…I think I have the perfect shirt!

But, there are a goodly number that, almost certainly, he authored. One that has great meaning for me lately is, “The trouble begins when you buy the tie”.  He would go on to explain that after you got the tie, you’d have to get a shirt to match the tie, and then a suit to match the shirt, and then . . . well, you get the idea.

Recently, I decided to do a modest redecorating of my apartment. When I mentioned it in the office formerly (and currently) known as Garfield Realty, Luap and Zil generously offered to help out.  They have spent a lot of time over the last years “staging” apartments for sale and have shown an aesthetic that is similar to mine.  For starters, I found a couch we all really liked at a furniture store in my neighborhood. Not just any old couch, but a sectional with a chaise. When referring to my new couch I always add that it has a “chaise“. And each and every time I say that, for some reason I feel a piece of my manhood melting away. Funny how that happens.

Prior to getting delivery of the new couch, I donated the old one to Housing Works.  With the couch gone, and the living room more bare, I noticed the bad shape that my wood floors were in.  So of course, now I had to get the floors refinished.  In order to empty the room, I wound up giving away most of the other stuff in the living room. Having the floors redone was no small deal because my co-op acts like I’m living in Fort Knox.  Anyone who does any work in the building has to be licensed, bonded, insured, kind of good-looking, like fine dining and have a winning personality. So it’s a real pain in the ass to hire any kind of tradespeople.

But now I had a new couch (did I mention . . . it has a chaise) and a near-empty room with beautiful floors. Zil and Luap warmed to the task of refurnishing the entire place.  And with such enthusiasm that only a moron wouldn’t know that they’re leading up to a suggestion that I put it on the market once it looks as good as its ever going to.  They’re my proteges and I love them but I think this making money thing has gone to their heads.  (I often remind them that the old Garfield Realty was really a social club that happened to sell real estate.  As any anthropologist worth her salt would tell you, we were poor but happy.)

In any event, little by little my apartment has been born again.  With very, very nice stuff.  It actually looks great.  Except, now I can see how badly the walls need to be repainted.  And how the blinds that I recently installed are inconsistent with the new look and need to be replaced. And how very, very wrong all the frames on my prints are and how everything needs to be reframed. And how the flat screen TV is just not right for the room. And how my glassware just doesn’t go with the new dining table and I need to get new stuff.  And how my clothes closet just don’t measure up to the finishes of the rest of the apartment and I have to get California Closet in.  And of course . . .  how I don’t have a single decent tie in that closet.

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One Response to ““The Trouble Begins When You Buy The Tie””

  1. Bob Says:

    I’m not sure whether to share on Tumblr Twitter or Facebook or print it and frame it but if I do that I’ll have to hang it, maybe repaint my walls to go with my new frames which won’t match my couch so I’ll have to get a new one…or I can just go to sleep. Gnight!

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