007

"I forget . . is this the second or third time we've met?"

“I forget . . is this the second or third time we’ve met?”

In Ian Flemming’s Goldfinger there’s a scene in which Goldfinger comes across James Bond once too often.  The third time he meets up with Bond he reacts by saying, “Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times means enemy action”.  Well, I’m closing in on the “enemy action” part.  I’ll explain:

While upstate two weeks ago, as I was driving home from dinner with Yduj, a deer jumped onto the roadway.  I hit the brakes but was unable to avoid hitting him/her.  The deer flew some 15′,  came down, righted itself and bounded off.  This is the second time in a month that I’ve hit Bambi’s mom or dad.  I’ve been driving more than 50 years and have never hit anyone or anything  . . . and now all of a sudden I’m close to having a rap sheet.  This second “meeting”, the coincidence, was while driving my Tiguan, not the Miata.  (If score was being kept, it’s like a pitcher’s duel–they’re tied at one apiece.)  Yes, the cars were different but I’m not certain that it was a different deer.  Probably, but I can’t swear to it.  But if it is the same one, that’s either one very dumb deer or it’s an enemy action deer.  In any event, Yduj and I wound up  sequestered for the remainder of the weekend.  It seemed far too dangerous to go anywhere.

This latest episode has led to a number of changes, not the least of which is Yduj’s feelings about eating venison.  Ordinarily she is much more of a pacifist than I am, but lately when we’re driving around and we see “deer cutting” signs, she seems a lot more interested. For my part, I’m starting to feel snake deer bit; thinking that each time I go for a drive I’m going to have to replace (again) the bumper on my car.  This, as you might imagine, can get a bit expensive.  The entire situation has even managed to infiltrate our normal give and take.  Now when I go for an errand, upon my return instead of asking what I picked up, Yduj asks, “Did you hit one?”

All this has led me to begin work on a strategy that will allow me to drive without creating carnage in my wake.  I seem to recall that old locomotives traveling out west had something on their front called “cow catchers”.  I’m not sure how that worked but I have almost no desire to catch any deer.  (Although with Yduj’s increase in appetite for venison, I may rethink this.)  Another strategy I’m considering to avoid mayhem is to drive really slowly.  Although that in itself might not give me enough time to stop,  I’ll bet all those honking cars piled up behind me will surely alert those deer that trouble is on the way.

What happens when you hit a kayak crossing the road

What happens when you hit a kayak crossing the road

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