Gluten Free (almost) and Lovin’ It (kind of)

I usually don’t easily get infected by fads or trends.  But when it comes to the gluten-free movement that seems to have found its way into the Zeitgist of my life, either some remarkably brilliant marketing people have worked their magic on me, or I’ve woefully let my guard down.  Because, all of a sudden, I’m looking for ways to eliminate this scourge from my diet.

Historically, the only reason for eliminating gluten from one’s diet was as a measure to be taken in treating celiac disease which is an autoimmune disorder of the small intestine.  But lately, I’ve been reading and hearing lots of anecdotal evidence that gluten-freeness has been a boon to some people’s general sense of feeling better.  And who wouldn’t want to feel better?  Not that I don’t feel well; on the contrary, lately I’ve been feeling pretty healthy.  But that judgement is based solely on what I used to feel like.  Maybe my baseline is totally out of whack and I haven’t a clue what feeling terrific is like.

So I’ve decided to sign on to the rubric, “it can’t hurt”, and have started modifying my diet by looking for ways to replace the gluten soaked things that I eat with some alternatives. To that end, I’ve found an extensive list of foods that fall into three categories: “recommended”, “questionable”, and “foods to avoid”.  The “foods to avoid” list is filled with things I’ve never heard of; so eliminating dinkel, einkorn and emmer from my shopping list is a piece of cake (gluten-free, of course).  Another food that I’m going to find easy to pass on are communion wafers. These are on the “questionable” list. I may not need to say this, but of course, they’ve always been on my questionable list.

Of the “foods to avoid”,  I think that the hardest one to remove from my diet is bread.  That may be beyond me right now, so I’m holding off its abolition until Passover during which I’ll wean myself with a surfeit of Manischewitz Matzoh. Even though matzoh is also on the “questionable” list, I’d be amazed if my people haven’t figured that one out in the next several weeks.  After all, I’m sure they’re “this close” to coming up with “Kosher For Passover” bread.  Removing what little gluten there is in matzoh should be a (g/f) cakewalk.

As you may have noticed,I’m pretty much a dunce when it comes to food.  So one of the side benefits of having this list of recommendations is that it’s introducing me to foods I’ve never heard of.  Expanding my epicurean horizons beyond my wildest dreams.  One that particularly caught my eye is, “Job’s tears”.  I have no clue what that is but I usually love biblical food so right after I finish writing this blog, I’m going on Amazon to place an order for a case, bushel or vat of the stuff.

Ironically, this entire enterprise was almost aborted at  the outset when I saw that some vodkas that are made from fermented grains were on the “questionable” list.  My beloved Ketel One is made from wheat and is probably verboten.   But as testimony to the seriousness of my quest for self-improvement, I did a little research and found that another vodka that I drink, Tito’s, is corn-based. Gluten free!  And…as an added benefit it’s a lot cheaper than Ketel.  With all the money I save, I bet I’ll be able to afford all the “Job’s tears” I can eat…or drink…or use as a condiment…or….

A Size For Every Member Of The Family

A Size For Every Member Of The Family

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5 Responses to “Gluten Free (almost) and Lovin’ It (kind of)”

  1. Bob Says:

    Personally, i just think u r a gluten for punishment.

  2. iron(ic)man triathlon Says:

    I think that was PUNishment enough.

  3. Ymmij Says:

    Are you giving up bagels? And does “(gf)” stand for “go figure”?

  4. Ymmij Says:

    Never mind. It’s gotta be God forbid.

  5. iron(ic)man triathlon Says:

    ymmij….to my way of thinking bialys are g/f bagels. I think that’s the direction I’m heading towards.

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