“There Once Was A Man From Nantucket….”

It's a whale of an island

It’s a whale of an island

It’s with some hesitancy that I write about my recent vacation on Nantucket Island.  The place is amazingly gorgeous…. but I don’t want to muck it up by having too many of you decide to go there and crowd things.  I have enough problems with just the small number of people who are there already.

The beaches on the island–and there are a bunch–are as nice any I’ve been to.  And usually, not very crowded.  Yet, even when there seems to be tons of places for people to park themselves, all too often they seem to revel in setting up shop way too close to me.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t traveling with my deck of Pardon Me cards, otherwise I would have passed along the, “Pardon me, you probably don’t realize it, but you’ve settled yourself within the imaginary 10′ perimeter which I’ve determined to be the appropriate spacing at a beach” card.

This was not a new problem for me.  My worst experience was a time when I took myself to a beach and set my chair down on an isolated section wanting to be all by my lonesome.   After a bit, a few people showed up and settled in just about at the edge of my Maginot line.  I was now on, if not amber alert, some other color alert.  And sure enough, soon some of their friends arrived and placed themselves even closer; and then some more until finally the last entrant was sitting close enough to me that you might have thought we were going steady.   I channeled my father and said, “Am I sitting too close to you?  Would you like me move?”  The only response was a wry smile.

In an effort to ameliorate what might erroneously be called my hyper-sensitivity to feelings of propriety being violated, Yduj and I sought out a remote beach which had no services and  was reachable only by a dirt road.  Just as we were about to walk up a path that would take us to the Promised Land, a woman road up on a bike which was loaded down with all sorts of beach equipment.  She started talking to us and although she seemed a bit batty,  she certainly got our attention when she started going on about how great it was to have a nude beach to go to.

Yduj and I continued on the path to the beach debating if we should disrobe prior to setting our stuff down.  When we got onto the beach, we saw that it was practically empty and that the few people who were spread out all seemed to be wearing bathing suits.  So we kept ours on.  In a little while, our friend with the bike came onto the beach, set up her stuff nearby and got fully naked.  (This is where I’ll leave out the part about how it seems that it’s always the wrong people taking their clothes off.)

Eventually, the bike-woman put on some clothes and came over to talk with us.  I was sitting in a sand chair looking up at her as she stood by my side.  She had come by to explain that we shouldn’t think she had been trying to trick us and that, in fact, the beach was almost always nudely populated.  Some pleasantries were exchanged and she soon returned to where she had been sitting.  After she had gone, Yduj asked me how I had  felt about bike-woman standing with her exposed kootch about 4 inches from my face.  I had no idea what she was talking about.  Fortunately, my neck is more than a little arthritic and not being able to fully turn as I was looking up is the only thing that had saved me from a close encounter with her teacup.  Thank god for small mercies maladies.

When we were done at the beach,  I began riding my bike back to the cottage where we were staying.  Heading into a pretty strong wind.  As I was riding for a while, something felt weird.  I looked down and I saw that my penis had slipped out from by bathing suit and was completely exposed.  So there I was, working my tail off while my guy is just bopping along enjoying the free ride without a care in the world. Talk about penis envy!
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2 Responses to ““There Once Was A Man From Nantucket….””

  1. Hot Rocket Says:

    What an image (last para, not kooch.) You’re lucky your little guy didn’t get caught up in the chain or even the wheel.

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