Whoever the geniuses were that thought up Groupon, they obviously had me in mind.  I don’t mean someone like me…I mean me, in particular.  I love bargains; always have.  And now, it seems that almost everywhere I turn, I can buy something for less.  Sure it’s probably for less than some temporarily inflated price…but still, it’s for less.  And  they’ve made it so easy for me.  Endless emails with offers too good to pass up.  All I have to do is buy a coupon and I’m all set to start buying stuff I don’t need or want.

About six months ago, I bought a coupon which entitled me to $100 worth of framing for $30.  Despite the fact, that I had nothing I wanted to have framed, I considered this a major coup.  (It’s not for nothin’ they’re called coupons.)  Recently, I noticed that the expiration date for using it was about to run out.  I think the merchants involved with these things count on a certain number of them lapsing without ever being used.  But in my case, they don’t know whom they’re dealing with.  The Inner Jew in me that had been seduced by the discount Sirens was certainly not about to abandon them at the eleventh hour.  So now, my Inner Moron had to find something to frame.

I have this oversized studio wedding photo of my parents that somehow slipped through my sister’s hands after my parents died.  It’s pretty old but still in great condition. My mother is wearing a wedding dress that is amazing awesome incredible quite elaborate and beautiful; my father’s expression in the photo is familiar to me but in what is a great rarity, my mother is smiling. If there was a market for trading wedding photos, what I have in my possession would be the equivalent of a Honus Wagner baseball card.   But no such market exists, so this is what I chose to have framed.

I made my way to the framing outfit which is located in Brooklyn.  To illustrate the largeness of my Inner Moron, I’ll confess the following:  along with the wedding photo I brought another photo that was already in a cheap Ikea frame.  This to be added, in case the wedding photo framing cost less than $100.  I couldn’t have been more wrong.  By the time the framers were done with me, I owed them about $160 above my $100 coupon. So when all was said and done, I wound up spending about $190 framing something I didn’t know I wanted framed.  Not surprisingly, my Inner Jew is not very happy.

Yet, the framing episode has done nothing to diminish my interest in a good deal. For example, last week someone came into my office asking for a donation to a charity that benefited children.  As an incentive to contribute, the organization was offering coupons for double the amount of the donation which could be redeemed at a number of  local restaurants.  Since this represented the perfect intersection of my Inner Philanthropist and my Inner Jew I happily wrote a check.

I discussed my good fortune with Yduj and we started to make a plan to have dinner at one of these restaurants, which it so happens, we often go to.  Then I realized…the coupon was probably going to exceed the amount of the bill.  Meaning they’d have to pay me to eat there.  I’m not exactly sure how it works, but it sounds like this isn’t too good a deal for the restaurant.  So I think I’ll do the generous thing–when they offer to pay me, I’ll tell them they don’t have to include a tip.

“Come Odysseus….Odysseus come! It’s 70% off!”


2 Responses to “Grouponomics”

  1. sister Says:


    • iron(ic)man triathlon Says:

      For $190 it’s yours. Plus shipping and handling…no…make that: shipping and hondling.

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