Newt’s Mutes

As you may have realized, it’s been a while since my last blog posting.  And, while I appreciate your disinterest in prying into my life…remember, as I’ve mentioned before, not hearing from me for a while would be exactly what it would look like if something really awful had happened to me.  Just something for you to keep in mind.

There’s a couple of reasons I haven’t found the time to write anything lately. First, the Australian Open has been occupying me in a way it shouldn’t a normal person.  I DVR’d and watched way too much of it. Just this past weekend, I finished watching the Federer/Nadal semi-final.  Weirdly, even though I knew that my guy Federer had lost, I found myself rooting for him; as if I could somehow, by will, change history.  We all know how that works out.  Federer is the only sports entity that I’m still an avid fan of.  There’s no explaining this.  My rule of thumb around rooting  usually is: if they’re (he’s) not interested in me …why in God’s name should I be interested in them (him).  Unfortunately, this is also my modus operandi in the real world.  You can imagine how popular this makes me.

The part of the Open that has really taken up my time is watching the marathon final between Nadal and Djokovic.  It seems that I’ve been doing this for a couple of weeks now.  I’m just getting around to the fifth set.  I  still don’t know who won.  I hope to finish it some time in February.

But the time I’ve put in to the Open is nothing compared with what I’ve invested in following the Republican nomination process; watching more debates, coverage and analysis than is healthy for any one person.  A lot of my interest is fostered by the Newt Gingrich phenomenon.  I’m amazed stunned by his ability to win people over simply by telling lies with the kind of certainty that we usually associate with telling the truth.  Apparently, saying something often and strongly enough will convince a lot of people that it must be so.  But I think my real fascination with Gingrich is what  I see as an evil streak in him.  Not as bad as Dick Cheney but in that vein.   He scares me.

So I was really scared after Newt trounced Mitt in South Carolina.  When the Fearsome Foursome arrived in Florida it seemed like Gingrich might have a real opportunity to get up a head of steam.  But then something happened that allayed my fears.  Sarah Palin sent her husband, Todd, down to Florida to campaign for Newt.  When I heard that, I knew Mitt had it in the bag.  You see…Todd doesn’t speak.  I watched oodles of the last Presidential go around  and never once–and I mean never–did I hear Todd say a word.  Oh, he was right there on stage with Sarah at each and every rally but always, dumb as a doornail.  I can’t imagine what Gingrich was thinking.  Having Todd campaign for you is like hiring George Kostanza as a life coach. Less than worthless.

Interestingly, and providing a nice sense a symmetry (for the blog) is the presence of Newt’s wife, Callista at every campaign event.  Looking on and nodding her head adoringly.  But never saying a word.  As I say, this has taken up a lot of my time and I’ve been watching and waiting for her to say something…anything.  Still, nothing.  Maybe she’s so stunned that her Pillsbury Doughboy of a husband has gotten as far as he has that it has left her dumbfounded.  Or maybe she has one of those weird Silent Film voices that doesn’t do well in Talkies.  Or maybe she’s afraid someone might ask her about those eight years she was sleeping with Newt while he was married to wife number two.  Or maybe  just the image of sleeping with Newt has left her speechless.  Now, that would make sense.

That's either Todd Palin or it's Tina Fey's Husband


Wouldn't you be speechless?


6 Responses to “Newt’s Mutes”

  1. sister Says:

    as you may know, i was in australia during the open and boy was it hot!
    what’s her name was amazing and and what’s his name was unbelievable.

  2. Bob Says:

    Don’t worry about Gingrich making the finals. He won’t want to deal my “Newt is a Toad” campaign t-shirt!

  3. Ymmij Says:

    Lucky that you waited to let it be know that you had DVRed those matches. I’d have been inviting myself over constantly. You might have ended up writing an entry on your strategy for pretending not to be home.

    As for Newt, don’t you have to root for him as the weakest opponent in the general election?

  4. Mike McPartland Says:

    Djokovich won, again. And Mitt’s wife doesn’t say anything either. She just kisses and hugs him and smiles and laughs. I wonder what is it about Mitt that makes her so happy. And their sons too???

    • iron(ic)man triathlon Says:

      djokovic!!! mike you ruined it for me.

      Actually, i’ve heard ann speak; she’s supposed to represent the human side of romeny. he tries so hard…i almost feel bad for him.

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