The Interview

As you may remember, I recently wrote a post about looking for an additional member for the Garfield Realty family. (https://ironicman.wordpress.com/2011/05/05/help-wanted/) In it I said that we were looking to hire a tall, left-handed black or latina woman who came from a mixed (Jewish/Gentile) marriage.  According to my attorneys, it was a mistake to put that in writing.  Apparently, it’s against the law to consider an applicant’s gender, race or religion when hiring.  The law is less clear when it comes to handedness and height. 

This may hamstring me a bit as I try to create the perfect chemistry and mix for the office.  My dilemma is to try to hire exactly the person I have in mind without running afoul of discrimination laws.  I need to be very careful here… at least give the appearance of considering all applicants.   After all, the next to last thing I need is to have the Department of Labor on my back. (I never  invoke the “last thing”…no matter how distasteful something  is, there’s always something I haven’t thought of that’s a lot worse.  Also, it’s part of my never-ending quest to coin an expression. See: https://ironicman.wordpress.com/2009/04/19/to-a-man-with-a-hammer/).  So, I need to be delicate in my approach with anyone who applies for the job…be very circumspect with the questions I ask.   

Obviously, I’ll be able to tell if  the applicant is a man or a woman; ditto for how tall they are.  And I’ll probably be able to discern if they are black or latina.  I’ve decided that at some point during the interview, on some pretext  I’ll pull out a ball and suggest we have a “catch”. This should take care of determining the handedness issue.   

Now determining if the applicant is a  child of a mixed marriage is probably going to be very tricky.  I can’t just come out and ask.  An inchoate idea I have is to throw out some common Yiddish expressions (e.g. mazel tov, meshugeneh)  to see if there’s some sign of recognition; which would indicate to me that there’s some Jewishness going on.  Finding out if she’s only partly Jewish is more of a challenge.  Proving a negative is always difficult (ask George Bush).  I think what I’ll do is throw in some more esoteric Yiddish words and expressions.  If I get a blank stare, I probably will have hit pay dirt.

Since I wrote that original posting, I’ve had some time to reflect on the requirements of the new hiree.  I realized that I’d not included some other things that are very important for the vibe in the office.  The new person should also be smart, fun and easy-going.  Not taking herself too seriously would be a big plus.  Also, if she likes romantic dinners, cuddling and long walks on the beach at sunset that would…. oh wait–that’s an entirely different interview altogether!

 

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