Waist Not, Want Not

Well, the end of year Knickerbocker Tennis Club party was a modest success for me.  Ironically (and fortunately), no one took me up on my invitation to help me celebrate the unpublishing of my next blog volume.   That may have something to do with the security guard at the front gate of the Navy Yard.  Oh well.  But still, it was fun seeing many of my tennis friends at the party…now with their clothes on.  Really…they looked so much better.  And I was able to introduce Yduj to the two people from the club who read this stuff and know of her existence.  That was nice.  

The table where we sat  included  Kram, my Monday tennis partner, who  has been regularly beating my brains in for the last fifteen years.   But all  that’s about to change– I’m going to suggest that we start  playing on Tuesdays.  That should throw him off.  My least fun part of the year-end party has always been the “awards presentation”.   I haven’t gotten an award in a long, long time.  Usually I  “don’t have a dog in that fight”.   But this year I thought I had a pretty good shot at the “least improved” trophy.  God knows, I worked hard for it.  But it was not to be. 

My friend, Yar, took a bunch of  pictures at the party, one of which shocked me when I saw it.  It was a photo of me and Yduj and some other people at our table.  The other people looked normal…but somehow or other Yar figured out a way to make Yduj, who’s thin, look seven months pregnant.  But that’s not what shocked me.  In the photo, it looks like my pants waist has risen way above where I thought it was or ought to be.  This is not I look I want for myself.  Often it’s a tell-tale sign of either dementia and age, or both…something I’m always on the lookout for.

When I was in the office the next day, I thought I’d best check this out with Luap who has been instructed to stay on top of these kinds of things for me.  I showed him the photo and unfortunately, he didn’t disabuse me of my perception.  Nothing like, “you look great….it’s just in your head”, etc.  In fact, he starting telling me how each year the top of his father’s pants gets inches closer to his neck.   I think he was trying to make me feel better by indicating that I’m not as far gone as Al.  That didn’t help.   

Knarf was in the office also;  I asked each of them to  stand up, lift their shirts and show me where their belly buttons were in relation to their pants.  (God, I love Garfield Realty!)  And sure enough, each of them had more distance than I did.  I expected this from Luap…but Knarf is older than I am and he’s wearing his pants lower than I do!  I don’t like that.  But then I realized… there’s an explanation: he has a new girlfriend who’s picking out his clothes for him–kind of making him over. So Knarf’s navel/waistband ratio should probably be marked on a curve.  At least for the time being.  

As for me, I’m not quite ready to turn myself over to Yduj for an overhaul.  I suppose I’ll just muddle along, constantly checking my belt  to make sure it hasn’t sneaked up over my belly button.  Maybe Brookstone has some gizmo that you insert in your navel that beeps when a buckle passes over it.    Now, that’s an idea I think we could all get behind.

I think I hear that beeping

 

 

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7 Responses to “Waist Not, Want Not”

  1. RB Says:

    Neil,

    May I refer you to the follwoing blurb and link:

    Where does the waist band on most men’s pants sit?
    Aug 27, 2010 … Where do you think the waist band usually is for most men? Page 1 of 1 … the pants should sit at the man’s natural waistline, right around his belly button … Ask Us Live| Sign up for: Email or Mobile …
    community.qvc.com/DiscussionDetail/tabid/73/…/Default.aspx – Cached

  2. iron(ic)man triathlon Says:

    Turns out ..this is an educational blog also. who knew?

  3. Aidualc Says:

    I’m looking forward to seeing for myself – although maybe you’re just getting taller

  4. Kitty Says:

    I really did think Buzz’s wardrobe looked a little snazzier the last time I dropped by….

  5. iron(ic)man triathlon Says:

    Buzz….meaning Knarf?

  6. Jackie Weisberg Says:

    Maybe you should hook up with the boyz in the hood and wear your pants around your knees. Think that would work? (not good for tennis. also not good for quickly walking or running. not good for much, maybe, except a good laugh. I’m laughing right now as I visualize you with your pants around your knees).

    • iron(ic)man triathlon Says:

      jackie … i can’t tell you how happy it makes me that i’m a source of amusement for you.

      of course, i was hoping it would be the writing…but then again, any short in a storm!

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