Boys ‘R Us

Last week my son’s wife, Fets gave birth to a baby boy.  Which, of course, gives me grandfather status.  This, coupled with my enrollment in  MediCare and the acquisition of my  Senior Citizen Metrocard has moved me into an entirely new category.  All of this happening within a few months is a lot to absorb.  It will take an adjustment.  

I saw the baby about 1/2 hour after he was born.  The kid looked like he had been in some kind of street fight…..and had lost.  But otherwise, pretty cute.    The poor boy hadn’t a clue that in about a week some stranger would be taking a knife to his schmekel.  That stranger would turn out to be  a mohel engaged by the aforementioned grandfather.   While the hiring  process was going on, Luap and I engaged in a spirited debate over the requisite credentials of a mohel.  My understanding was that almost any Jew who was good with his hands, could do the job.  Needless to say, this  narrows the field considerably.   Luap was certain that, since the circumcisor had to be Jewish, the mohel was almost certainly a doctor or a lawyer.   After spending a good part of the day debating this, we turned to Google and learned that even though the circumcision was technically ‘surgery’,  the mohel  needn’t be a doctor.   (Truth be told, this is also how I learned to spell “mohel”).   And,  as a bonus piece of information, I learned that, according to New York Magazine,  the “suggested fee” I was paying to the circumcisor was within the range of the “Best Mohels In NYC”.   I can’t tell you how comforting that was to know.  

The bris took place just a few days ago.  The mohel was a cantor…Cantor Pearlman,  who had a very polished and engaging act.  I guess its design is to lower the tension and give some normalcy to the medieval act to follow.  I was given a very specific role to play in the drama that was about to unfold.  The baby…. my grandson, Julian, (kids under 10 days old do not qualify for the witness protection program) was placed on a pillow that was atop my lap.  My job was to hold his legs still while Cantor Pearlman performed the “unkindest cut of all”.  At this point Julian was already wailing (he’s a bit of a cry baby).  But while he was on my lap and before the knife, I used the opportunity to give him a good once over.  When he was born, there was a lot of  “he has Fets’s this or Essej”s that”  but what I was looking for was to see if any of my genes had managed their way through Fets’ fallopian tubes.  Sadly, I couldn’t find a thing that looked like me.  Presently, the mohel took Julian’s diaper down to prepare for the day’s event.  And then I saw it!  Just what I was looking for.  Julian has my penis!!  Sure, a little smaller and a lot newer but still,  just like mine.  God, how I love that baby!  

"You should see what the other baby looks like"

Amazing what a little wine will do



3 Responses to “Boys ‘R Us”

  1. jane Says:

    mazel tov. i think. jonah’s mohel was cross eyed. it went well until he projectile vomited on the crowd. i felt it was appropriate given what had just been done. soivents of the lord r us.

  2. jane Says:

    jonah vomited … not the mohel

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