What Do Women (Really) Want?

As you may know, I’ve recently gone through what I hope is my final at-bat in the world of on-line dating.  A moment of reflection. Of the many things that struck me about what women are looking for is how often they wrote that they would like to meet a man  who could “make me laugh”.  Of course, this isn’t news to anyone.  (How many Seinfeld  episodes contain either Jerry’s or George’s remark…”I know she liked me…she laughed at all of my jokes”).  But it renewed my interest in that dynamic,  i.e.  a woman wants a man who will make her laugh and a man is eager to be that person .   There aren’t  too many other things that work so well between the sexes.  But it begs the question …”why is this so?”  And… how come, from what I hear, is it so uncommon for a man to say outright that he’s interested in meeting  someone who  makes him laugh?  How and why did this happen?  And,  even more  to the point,  is it true? 

It’s hard to imagine that this has always been the case.  In primitive cultures, men were often characterized as “hunter, gatherers”; women portrayed as “keepers of the hearth and home”.  My research on this has  turned up neither the term,”hunter, gatherer, comic” nor “keeper of the …., and audience”.  Apparently some time in last several thousand years this interplay has developed.  Of course, it’s  also possible that  this phenomenon isn’t  universal and may be limited to certain societies and cultures.  I wonder, for example, are Inuit men who have  good senses of humor,  getting all the hot cool babes in Alaska.  That would be interesting to know. Maybe someone with even more time than I seem to have can delve into this and come back with an exhaustive study.  I’m really much better at raising questions, anyway.    

And then, there’s the whole notion of whether what women say they want is what, in fact, wins the day.  I recently saw a performance by a very clever singer who addressed this in a song  entitled, Bossy Man.  His premise is,  that despite egalitarian sensibilities we’ve  come to embrace, women still want to be  in a relationship where the man is in  charge.  Where the man  calls the shots.  Listening to  Bossy Man, I couldn’t help but think of how often I had read that a woman wanted to meet a man who “is vulnerable”.  On paper this sounds fine, but believe me, what’s really meant is they would like to meet someone who is somewhat vulnerable….. not too vulnerableFortunately,the amount of vulnerability that is acceptable is easily determined by the equation: v=lX6nx³÷ qsi ².  (Of course, if the guy is really,really cute, the equation is moot.) 

 But, to get back to the matter at hand– women putting a premium on meeting a guy who is funny– I wonder, say, would most women prefer  Woody Allen (I know,I know-really poor choice) to Robert Redford (not such a good choice either)?  I doubt it.  Even though Redford is notorious for not being funny, my bet is they would choose him hands down. Or Chris Rock over Denzel Washington?  Probably not.  Or Jerry Seinfeld over George Clooney?  No way.  So maybe, what we’re learning here is that we men have to take what women write with a grain(load) of salt…..to read between the lines.  Actually, as I think about it, it’s not “we men”– it’s you men.  Happily, I’m so over all this.  You guys are on your own. 

Very funny but......


Cute, but not so funny


One Response to “What Do Women (Really) Want?”

  1. ed Says:

    Infatuation is when you think he’s as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he’s as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford – but you’ll take him anyway.
    — Judith Viorst

    So – is she infatuated with you or does she love you?

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